The Hardest Habit for Busy Couples to Thrive

When we teach on Six Habits of a Thriving Marriage, one habit almost always brings sober looks to couples’ faces.

It’s the idea of an extended getaway with just your spouse.

For many couples—especially those in ministry, business, or the thick of parenting—this habit feels completely impractical. I understand that reaction. Liz and I had it too.

Early in our marriage, we heard a couple describe their annual two-week getaway. They used that time to unwind, reflect on the past year, dream about the year ahead, set goals, and enjoy their favorite activities together.

As a new pastor with a growing family, two weeks away felt impossible. Unrealistic. Maybe even irresponsible.

But when something feels impossible, you really only have two options:

• Do nothing

• Or ask, “What can I implement today?”

From Impossible to Intentional

While two weeks has remained out of reach for us, we committed to something doable: two days away together.

As it turns out, we’re able to do that about twice a year.

One secret to making this work is simple—but powerful: put it on the calendar early. And I mean way early. We want to intentionally map out our 2026 calendar getaways, before the ball drops at the end of 2025!

• Our connection with God (a spiritual retreat)

• Our connection with each other (a straight-up romantic getaway)

These two mini-getaways are among the things we look forward to most each year.

What We Actually Do on These Getaways

We don’t pack them with activities. Instead, we lean into shared rhythms.

We go somewhere peaceful and beautiful. We slow down enough to enjoy:

• Morning devotions (sometimes together, sometimes separately)

• Shared meals—real meals and favorite snacks we both enjoy

• Long conversations

• Silence

• Sunsets

• Hikes

• Table games

We let everything else fall away and intentionally sync our lives back up—with God and with each other.

Uninterrupted time with God fills us spiritually.

Uninterrupted fun and shared interests fill us relationally—with both romantic love and deep friendship.

Sometimes we talk for hours. Other times, we go our separate ways in silence, then come back together to share what God has been stirring in us. We may read the same book or different ones, but we always talk about what was meaningful.

On the drive there—and especially on the drive home—we talk nonstop. We reflect on what God highlighted. We talk about who we want to be:

• As children of God

• As husband and wife

• As parents

• As people serving the church and community

We pray for each other and with each other.

Small Steps Add Up

Someday, when our children are grown and we enter a new season, I’d love to take a full two weeks away together. But in the meantime, four days a year has been adding up.

Over 15 years, that’s 60 days of uninterrupted time with God and each other. And I can say without hesitation—that time has made us stronger.

So don’t wait until it feels “possible.”

Pick up your calendar now and block off two nights away in 2026. Give yourself months to:

• Find a sitter

• Arrange work coverage

• Release the responsibilities you carry

As a highly responsible person—and someone who struggles with people-pleasing—I’ve had to learn to trust that God can take care of what I leave behind for a short time.

Jesus modeled this clearly. In Mark 1:37, the needs and expectations of the people pressed in—but He prioritized time with the Father, and went away to a lonely place to pray. If Jesus can, let me give you permission - you can! If Jesus needed to do this, how much more do we need to do this?

What people want from us must always come second to:

• Our connection with God

• And our connection with our covenant partner

That may be the hardest habit—but it just might take your love to the next level.