Why Fun Disappears from Marriage & How to Get it Back

Fun doesn’t just disappear from marriage—it slowly gets crowded out. Here are three common reasons couples stop having fun dating, and how to overcome each one.

Problem #1: Time Demands

If you don’t plan a date with your spouse, it won’t happen. Lots of good things will crowd it out.

Liz and I found that we needed to pencil in our date and say our calendar was full that night in order to solve this problem. If you haven’t had a date in months, you can make the change. Tell your spouse you want to have fun—just fun—with just them.

Each day has 24 hours, and each week has seven days. Want to be intentional? Try blocking off several hours for fun with your spouse after finishing this blog. Booking it is the best way to keep busyness from crowding it out.

Problem #2: The Stress Invasion

After setting aside time for a date, we need to follow through and use that time well.

Several years into our marriage, we found stress invading our dates. While we had set aside time outside of our responsibilities to be together, the responsibilities—and the stress they produced—came right along with us like an uninvited guest. We were spending our “fun time” discussing the very things that were creating stress in other areas of life.

We decided to course-correct. We created a clear boundary around our date so it could once again be about fun. We learned that the stressors could wait for another conversation, and that it was possible to be “fancy-free” together again.

When was the last time you had a fully present time with your spouse—one you would actually describe as fun? If it’s been a long time, try talking with your spouse about protecting your dates, and watch fun begin to reappear in your relationship.

Problem #3: The Financial Limitation

Several years into our marriage, there was an anniversary when we would have loved to rent a luxury cabin and spend a few nights away—but we didn’t have the money. At the time, we were saving $60 a month so that every five years we could take a larger trip. That plan worked (Ireland in year six!).

Because we had a long-term savings goal, we learned not to waste time feeling sorry for ourselves during the in-between anniversaries. Instead, we discovered that fun comes from being together and enjoying the things we love—even if our sleeping quarters looked more like a basic tent than a luxury cabin.

We decided to save on lodging and splurge on food. We bought filet mignon steaks and vegetable skewers to grill over the open fire, and we shared a slice of cheesecake for dessert. Sitting around the fire, looking up at the stars, and enjoying our favorite foods made for a wonderful time on a small budget.

If you’ve been waiting for more money to have fun, I’d invite you to join the many couples who are already having fun with their spouses—for free.

I asked friends on Facebook for free or low-cost date ideas. Thelma suggested sharing a campfire, with s’mores as an option. Linda suggested playing a favorite board or card game together while sharing a cup of tea. Debbie suggested taking walks through wooded areas and enjoying the variety nature has to offer.

When social media pictures of expensive dates get you down, let this list lift you up. The best fun to be had with your spouse is found in the simple things you both love to do.

What free fun could you plan with your spouse this week?